Narrating "the" World

This entry is in response to WanderingThinker's question from my first entry:

"Out of curiosity, do you hold more faith in Catholicism now then you did back then in high school? (your tense left me unsure) Or do you hold beliefs in line with a different particular religion or more of a view separate from any particular faith given your studies of religions?"

The question of what my beliefs are has more and more become a difficult thing to answer, especially because of my studies in religion and philosophy. But I'll do my best to answer in a cohesive way...

Long story short, no, I do not hold more faith in Catholicism than I did in high school, but I embrace the practices and ethical teachings of Catholicism more so than before, and I find Catholicism to be a beautiful religion. I also embrace and find beauty in the practices and teachings from other religions, namely Soto Zen. As a result, I've come to form my own "religion," which evolves as I evolve. But here is the long story, anyway:

Taken from Paul Brockelman, Mark C. Taylor, and other postmodern religious scholars, I believe that religion is a person's narrative, or interpretation, of the world. How does the world work? What is valuable in the world, and why? What are people, animals, plants, *life*... and how do they operate and affect me? With this definition of religion, essentially all conscious human beings are religious, for in the act of being conscious, one interprets the world in which he or she lives. In the wake of globalization and the realization of multiple languages, religions, cultures, political-economic systems, scientific theories, and so on, there is no absolute truth, and being trapped in our linguistic reality (Heidegger, Derrida), we are unable to refer to or assert the reality of a translinguistic or transcendental Other (read: in Western language, "God").

Despite this limitation, the possibility of a transcendental being itself is still in the air. We just cannot firmly assert one way or another its existence; our assertions at this point rely on our faith, our individual interpretation or narratives of the world.

That said, I loved studying and practicing Soto Zen Buddhism in Japan last year. I cannot say that I'm an official "practitioner" of Soto Zen because I find many of their requirements to living the detached life too difficult, haha. Frankly, I get bored meditating for so long and so regularly, and I rather enjoy material things, pursuing my desires, and dressing nicely (though I'm not obsessed). I also am quite attached to the idea that I have a self, an ego. But I do like the philosophy a lot, especially the idea of the interconnectedness of all beings, and I highly recognize the benefits of meditation and moderating the chasing of my desires. I very much like the Eightfold Path, which Buddhists believe is the way to end one's suffering.

When I am very upset and there's no one around to comfort me, I remember my days in Japan when my classmates and I would chant the Heart Sutra in Japanese every morning. Please take a look at it here. Its multiple contradictions echo the limitation of language, encourage freedom from desire (for desire is the cause of our suffering, as well as our happiness), and insightful truths in our (self-contradicting) world. Now, as I said, I would chant this in Japanese, and the Japanese itself is unintelligible because it is based off of the sounds of the Chinese characters from which they derive (in other words, even a native Japanese speaker wouldn't know what I'm saying). But this act of almost sheer "mindlessness" in chanting gives me a soothing feeling. My mind clears because I am not thinking of anything; I am just chanting.

I get a similar feeling of mindlessness when I am at Catholic Mass. At Mass, Catholics and the priest recite almost the same darn things every time, and it feels like a script. For most of my life, I found this ritual incredibly boring, and I loathed it. But now I am calmed by its habituation, and the fact that everyone around me is doing it (especially when we are singing--I really like singing) as well is powerful. I am also comforted in being in a place where I have been to my whole life. Now, I think the priest would actually want me to think about what I am saying and *mean* it when I respond with, "Amen" or "Glory to you, oh Lord." But oh well, I will privately get from Mass what I want. :)

I also enjoy the sermons by the priest. I may not believe in the resurrection of Jesus or the persona of the Lord, but I do like the weekly contemplations on ethics and the virtuous way of living. They keep me actively reflecting on my day-to-day actions.

Soooo, I take from these religions (and others) various practices and philosophies to help me live a calm, virtuous, examined life. Remember what Socrates said, after all! As for my "dogma," I believe that all life forms are interconnected, constantly affecting one another. We are continuously creating ourselves and each other. To steal from a Zen monk's interpretation of reincarnation, we are continuously being reborn in other people, and vice versa, by the way we affect each other. [An even more powerful metaphor is the Hindu belief that all beings are personas of God, and thus the utmost reverence and respect for people should be given.] There is a spiritual force within all of nature, the universe, and ourselves, but I don't see that force as being like the Father figure of Christian Catholicism. But because that force exists, I think that there is no fate, that whatever happens is dictated by what is decided in the present, and that no one thing is in control--which, at the same time, means that all life forces are in control.

To recognize this non-dualism, this impermanence and dynamism of life, is to see things "as they are" (to sound Buddhist again), to accept things as they are, to seize this fact and take responsibility for your life, and to respect all beings, as well as yourself. My increased "knowledge" (which is also an interpretive endeavor) in economics, political science, religion, etc. and especially natural science (with the wake of string theory, Heisenberg's uncertainty principle, and Einstein's energy equation) increase my reverence for and fascination with the dynamics of life.

First World Problems

For the hell of it, I'll also make this blog a tech-gaming-anime review place. Logically, it would follow that I'd then start reviewing something, but I can't yet. I can say, though, that I hate myself because...

I finally gave in and bought this damn thing:

with this damn thing:

I had wanted a new iPod Touch for a long time. I've been using my daddy's old and free jailbroken iPhone 3G 8G from, I don't know, 2006 or 2007? (Z0MG that's ancient and small!) I've been making do with it with some tweaks, but tonight, finally, finally it just refused to even wake up iTunes, and when it did actually register with the program, it didn't want to sync anything. I could just re-jailbreak it, but I don't want to go through that mess again, and anyway, I want more space because I'm like every other spoiled American out there who needs her 32 gigs of digital nonsense.

I was debating back and forth tonight, all night, between getting a "like-new" used or an actual new one (I'd save 40 dollars for used, but it would be black and, well, used), as well as which cover to get. I love, love, love my current Stormtrooper case for my iPhone, but I couldn't find a similar geeky thing for the iPod Touch 4G (most cool cases are for iPhone, sadly). Then at 5:02 a.m., I bravely, hesitantly, cowardly pressed the "Place your order" button for the new white 32 GB iPod Touch 4G and Otterbox Commuter Series case (black/white).

Goodbye, 70% of my last paycheck. Goodbye, that wee part of my soul. But the wounds will soon heal... until the iPod Touch 4S serendipitously comes out a week later (but probably/hopefully not?).

And no, NO I will not go out shopping on Friday.

EDIT: I had to revise this blog a number of times for egregiously embarrassing errors. +5 a.m. = ... I can't even find the right words right now. I need to sleep because I have a long drive in four hours. I'm a smart girl. Night/morning.

Hello, world.

So I start a new blog, Eudaemonia, towards the end--but not quite--of the first semester of my senior year. It's an odd time to start, methinks. So what am I doing here?

I just finished a long conversation with an old online friend. I had not talked to him in years because of a conflict we had, but we have both decided to look past that conflict and try to be friends again. It's worked, for the most part. He is still that fun guy I grew fond of with our mutual love for general nerdiness. At the same time, he is also that arrogant prick I grew to despise. Now, I first got to know him when I was in high school, when I thought I was mature (what, assuming I am now?), trapped in my Catholic high school and video game bubble.

As far as Catholicism went, I recognized that I hold little faith in it, but I still respected it for what it was, as well as for the great education their kind of school gave me.

Then there was my friend I mentioned earlier, who had this popular modernist worldview that all religions, especially Christianity, are backward, for the uneducated, full of lies, etc. He rolled out the usual refutations of the Bible--the problem of evil, the multiple contradictions, the ridiculous laws it contained that, for example, justified slavery or cruel treatment of women. I already knew, as a wee high school girl, that my friend's refutations rested on very simplistic understandings of the Bible and Christianity. One flaw, for example, is that official Catholic doctrine embraces evolution. Yes, friend, the Bible can actually be interpreted on something higher than the literal view, and in multiple ways. The ends of these conversations either trailed off into nothingness or to him admitting that, perhaps, he had more of an issue with certain groups of religious people rather than religion itself. Progress, perhaps?

Tonight, he brought up questions about religion and the Bible again. And his views apparently had not changed after all these years. He brought out the same refutations, the same notion that religion has no inherent worth, and so on. At this point, I could at least use my advanced studies in religion and postmodernism to better articulate my thoughts. Again, though, the conversation eventually ended up like before, and I have a good feeling the conversation did not open his mind up as much as I had wished.

Reflecting on his lack of value he saw in religion, I concluded that he probably has not had very many enriching experiences with religious people or people of different cultures. I am sure that, despite the tons of money he owns, he still must not have traveled out of the U.S., let alone out of home state or Florida (for family vacations, of course). He is probably still deeply affected by the zealousness of his parents' Baptist church and the Bible-thumping South he lives in. This is understandable, and the act of writing about it calms me a bit. Yet he very much exudes the gamer and fantasy reader he always has been, and now I see this in a negative view: at his age (mid-twenties), he is still trapped in his self-serving world of video games, LOTRO, and Star Wars.

I got quite disgusted after rationalizing all of this. How could he live such a selfish life, not really serving others, not really going out there and experiencing the world, and not expanding his mind? At this point the adage that education is not limited to the classroom struck me hard.

At the same time, this whole conversation and the disgust I felt helped me to discern what I did NOT want to do with my life. I have been struggling with this for a lot of this semester. I had contemplated on, after all, having a simple life with simple pleasures--going to work 9-5, coming home to play video games and eat, spend time with family, and sleep, and then getting up to do the same thing again. What was wrong with the simple life, I thought. What was the point of me chasing after these prestigious programs or finding difficult things to do just to challenge myself? But after talking to my friend, I found that I at least don't want the extreme end of the simple, selfish, close-minded life.

And so goes the creation of my new blog, Eudaemonia. I chose this name because I feel that I am truly on a journey now in finding my own virtuous life that makes me, for the most part, happy. And what is happiness for me? That is what my journey is about. I at least know, at this point, that I do not want that simple, selfish life. At the same time, after my happy rejection from Teach for America, I know that I do not want that chaotic, completely selfless life. But more on that later.

For now, I must sleep. But in the meantime, I say, welcome to my blog!